13 Articles of Faith on LDS culture

Jay's aunt sent this to me and its too funny.  Its also true on our culture.

Articles of Faith on Mormon Culture


1. We believe in SUVs and minivans as the form of transportation,

and in knee length shorts, which are always nice, and in multi-level

marketing.





2. We believe that church ball players should be punished for their

own fouls, and not for unsportsmanlike aggression.





3. We believe that through bread crumbs, cheese, creamy soups,

and rice, all casseroles can be saved through obedience to ward

cookbooks and creativity in the mixing bowl.





4. We believe that the first layers and ingredients of the Dip are:

first, beans; second, cheese; third, chopped tomatoes; fourth, the

gift of sour cream; fifth, olives; sixth, salsa; seventh, guacamole,

that is, if you have it.





5. We believe that a Mormon should have a distinguished or a cute

name, that it is appropriate to name a child after a church leader

or a historical figure including an ancestor, that alternative spellings

and French prefixes only add to a name, and that when referring to

the names of General Authorities, middle initials should be a part

thereof.





6. We believe in the same wall decor that exists in many Mormon

homes, namely, framed family proclamations, vinyl lettering,

inspirational word signs, family photos, pictures of temples and

Jesus, and so forth.





7. We believe in the gift of the re-gift, church books, crafts, family

photos, baked goods, emergency supply kits, and so forth.





8. We believe in sparkling grape juice so long as it is nonalcoholic;

we also believe in bringing root beer and sprite to ward parties.





9. We believe in all that we have scrapbooked, all that we will now

scrapbook, and we believe that we will yet scrapbook many great

and important things pertaining to our family, friends, pets, and

vacations.





10. We believe in the literal mixing of ketchup and mayo and in the

generous application of ranch dressing; that CBAs (church-based

acronyms) will be used to describe YM/YW, PEC, the Y, NCMO, and

CTR; that Mitt Romney will get Mormons to vote for him any time

he runs; and, that the Mormons will enjoy reading Twilight and The

Work and the Glory.





11. We claim the privilege of trying to identify common acquaintances

with any visitor at church, and allow all other people at church the

same privilege. Let them name drop the names of the famous and

general authorities how, where, or whenever they may.







12. We believe in being subject to scoutmasters, pampered chef

hostesses, and the writers of the U.S. News and World Report

Rankings for professional schools, and in obeying, honoring, and

sustaining Glenn Beck.







13. We believe in being above average, good at crafts, optimistic,

and in being ten to fifteen minutes late everywhere we go. Indeed,

we may say that we follow BYU football. We believe rumors about

famous people joining the church, we hope to meet the three Nephites,

we have endured many pyramid schemes, and hope to be able to

endure all pyramid schemes. If there is anything cheap, free, sold

in bulk, or given away when somebody is moving, we seek after

these things.